Everyone has, at some point, experienced the pang of wanting to help someone who is in pain and not being sure how to best support them. This is especially acute when the person you want to comfort is a family member or loved one with whom you live every day. Parents of children with anxiety, spouses of adults with anxiety, and even close roommates experience this frequently. In some ways, living in close proximity to someone with anxiety is one of the best opportunities to understand it without actually having anxiety.
Trying to support a loved one with anxiety disorder? In today’s blog, we’ll offer a few tips as well as shedding some light on anxiety itself.
Understanding Anxiety
To support a loved one with anxiety, you first have to understand what anxiety is and how it affects them. Anxiety disorders affect 18.1% of the population and are the most common types of mental illness in the United States.(1) It can often go hand-in-hand with other disorders such as ADD or ADHD and depression. And far from being just one disorder, “anxiety” is often an umbrella for a number of disorders, including:
- Generalized anxiety disorder
- Social anxiety disorder
- Panic disorder
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Certain phobias such as agoraphobia
Symptoms can begin as early as adolescence or team years and continue into adulthood.(2) Many of these symptoms are self-explanatory: feelings of worry or fear that persist for days or weeks at a time being chief among them. “Feeling anxious” is part of our everyday vernacular and is easy to understand. But there are other symptoms of anxiety that are less frequently discussed or acknowledged, including:
- Increased heart rate or rapid breathing
- Fatigue and insomnia
- Gastrointestinal problems
- Sweating and trembling
- Agitation and irritability
- Difficulty concentrating
- Muscle tension
- Social isolation
With that all in mind, how can you help support a roommate or family member with anxiety? Here are a few of our tips:
Offer Validation
When you don’t have anxiety, it may seem as though your anxious loved one is making a big deal over nothing, and this can be trying. However, it’s important to keep in mind that this is a big deal for them, and they often can’t simply convince themselves not to be anxious. When your loved one with anxiety expresses something to you that makes them anxious, try to remember that it doesn’t have to be logical and to offer them validation and support, instead asking what you can do to help them in the midst of their anxiety.
Go At Their Pace
It’s tempting to try to convince your anxious loved one to face their anxieties head on so that they can see that there’s nothing to be afraid of. They might have the idea of facing their anxieties themselves and may ask for support as they do so. But the last thing you want to do is to push them to do something they’re not ready to do. Anxiety involves a lot of shame, and those who struggle with anxiety often feel like cowards because of their anxiety. Allow them to approach their anxieties at their own pace, knowing that you have their back.
Ask Them
One of the best ways you can support a loved one with anxiety when you yourself don’t have anxiety is to ask them about their experience. Ask them what their symptoms are like, what good days and bad days look like for them. Ask them what the hardest things to tackle are for them and how you can help them with those stressors. Ask what you can do to help them manage their symptoms. No one understands their anxiety better than themselves, and it can help them to feel loved and accepted if they see that you make an active effort to understand them.
Know Your Boundaries
You care about your loved one with anxiety and want to help them, but be careful not to assume the role of therapist for your loved one with anxiety — or caretaker, unless you are, in fact, their caretaker. Regardless of whether you yourself have anxiety, you still have limits, and trying to cater to your loved one’s every worry or feeling can lead to an unhealthy relationship dynamic, as well as enabling their anxiety. Support them, ask what you can do to help them, but learn how to say no or when to accept that you’re not equipped to help with a particular situation. This is especially true for two people with anxiety who live together.
Child With Anxiety? Seek Professional Help
Even if it’s your child who has anxiety, you can’t do it all as a parent. It’s important to recognize that your child may need professional help in the form of therapy, anti-anxiety medication, and advocacy depending on the severity of their anxiety. Have a child who has been exhibiting symptoms of anxiety? A neurobehavioral assessment is a great way to figure out exactly what type of anxiety disorder they may be struggling with and what the best course of action is.
Neurobehavioral Associates can help with assessments, treatment services, and parent resources. Contact us today to learn more or to get started with an assessment.
References:
- Facts & Statistics – Anxiety & Depression Association of America
- Anxiety Disorders – symptoms and causes – Mayo Clinic
